Gareth Sweet
Copywriter
The last time I saw Helmet was back in ’95 when they supported the Beastie Boys on the ‘Check Your Head’ tour. Back then, both bands were at the height of their ass kicking powers, and it still ranks as one of my all time top ten gigs. But since then, the Beastie Boys have disappeared up their own arses and Helmet, well they just sort of disappeared. Last I heard, they’d broken up because they hated each other, and one of them was in Battles, you know, that band that all the hipster music nerds were busy fellating all over the internet a few months ago.
So what the hell were Helmet doing touring in 2008?
Things weren’t looking good when I headed down into The Hifi a little after 9pm. At first I thought I must have had the wrong venue or maybe it was the wrong night, but no, both turned out to be depressingly right. What was wrong was the music coming up the stairs to take a shit in my ears.
The band was Amphetame, and they were playing the worst sort of melodic metal this side of Evanescence. If you can imagine what it would look and sound like if Delta Goodrem decided to do a metal album – you’re getting pretty close to this crapfest. I’m sure they’ll do well.
Next on was a bunch of guys who looked like they’d stepped straight out of ‘Dazed and Confused’ – all long hair and seventies swagger. This was Lady Strangelove, and man, did these guys love effects pedals – even the singer had his own rack.
Initially, their particular brand of psychedelic-stoner-space-rock was a little confusing. This was mainly because the mix on the vocals was so bad. You really had to strain to hear anything more than muffled gibberish and garbled yelps over the rest of the band.
By the middle of the set I decided this probably (I hope) wasn’t intentional, and began to enjoy them anyway. With their jungle drumming, squally guitar and odd space noises they reminded me a little of Hawkwind. Their set ended with a crazy cosmic freak out that saw the band in a group hug, all jump into the drum kit - but carefully. After all those things are expensive.
The place was packed now, a sausage-fest of nineties throwbacks and their little brothers. A real beer and potatoes crowd – just the sort a venue loves.
But despite all of the beer being drunk, they all seemed pretty subdued. Perhaps this was because people were saving their energy for the main event, or perhaps it was because of the shit choice of music they were playing between sets. I mean, come on guys – Jesus Christ Superstar? The Carpenters???
Bang on 11.30pm Helmet took the stage and the floor is packed. Page Hamilton stalks out, guitar in hand to take up his position on the right of the stage. He looks big and mean and ready for business. In comparison, the other guitarist and the bass player looked like kids huddling together on their side of the stage just about as far from Hamilton as they can get, almost like they’re afraid of the guy.
Launching into their first song, it doesn’t take long for a small but dedicated mosh pit to start up near the front. The rest of the crowd however are more reserved, they barely even move, this isn’t what they came to hear.
A couple more songs and Hamilton stops and addresses the crowd almost wearily “We really didn’t want to play this, but we’re committed to it … this is our fourth best album … for something a little different we’re going to play it backwards”. The crowd suddenly takes off. This is what they came to hear. ‘Meantime’ in its entirety.
As the band works their way backwards, the crowd gets increasingly excited. This is when I work out why they’re playing the album this way, it’s because everyone’s favourite songs are at the beginning, and the closer the band gets to them the more hyped the crowd get.
By the beginning of the second side (or end of the first half) you could see the pit creeping outwards as the waves of headbangers washed halfway up the stairs and almost back behind the mixing desk.
Sweaty refugees from the pit are stumbling back towards the bar to grab another beer and some air before diving back in. Meanwhile, Hamilton stands almost immobile, sweat dripping off his arms, raining heavy riffage down on the receding hairlines of the crowd below.
Then ‘Unsung’ hits and people really start to lose their shit, this is the high water mark of the gig. Everywhere you look people are headbanging and moshing while at the front fat, hairy stage divers are crashing holes through the crowd.
The band and the crowd manage to maintain the intensity through to ‘In The Meantime’. Then it’s over. It’s almost exactly an hour since Helmet first took the stage.
Now for the tired old game as the crowd waits for an encore and the band waits to be called back out. But this time I get the feeling that the majority of the crowd aren’t really that bothered.
The diehards in the pit try to start the call, but it’s half hearted. Tired.
Eventually the band comes back out anyway, just like everyone knew they would. They play some newer songs, but the crowd have lost their energy. The mosh pit has shrunk and is again confined to the hard core of guys at the front but even they’re slowing down.
In the end the crowd got what they came for, nothing more and nothing less. But with no new album to promote and a sound that hadn’t really changed since the early nineties, this tour was never about making new fans, it was about keeping the old ones happy.
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